Internet Women Are Stalking You

Sometimes I see things on the internet that give me qualms.

My fear was that this advertisement was perhaps misrepresentative of the actual Batheo experience.  I don't know that there's any conclusive proof that it is, in fact "The Hottest War Strategy Game," so hot in fact that all of those words are capitalized.  But most of all, I'm worried about the girls.  See, if they're playing the game, I don't think it's fair that the game sort of subtly-oh, so subtly!-suggest that maybe, just maybe, if you play this game you might *meet* some of those girls.  In fact, they might even want to have sex with you.  And then, of course, there's the little suggestion that maybe these girls look like the girl in the ad.  You don't know!  They might!

My fears were put to rest, however, when I logged onto the website I use to watch tv on and found this:

And that just made me feel so much better.  I can't even tell you.  As it turns out, the internet girls are actually total sluts!  They're looking for hopeless, lonely, horny men!  I never suspected these websites existed!

And so all was well and good until they started getting pushy.  There was I, sitting alone, quietly enjoying my tv time, when I saw this:

I was stunned.  I didn't at all mind when they were just whoring around in their spare time, but now they were trying to impose on my movie watching time.  Here was I, innocently trying to enjoy "Get Rich or Die Tryin'," and these women were requesting...nay, demanding that I share my personal time with them.  Sometimes I just want to watch tv by myself without any expectations from anyone else, not to mention the personal space issue given that my bed is so small.  I tried to ignore it, but there was more.

This one was even more unsettling, especially since I obviously moused over it while screen capping, and it was in some way related to something called "Toe Tags."  I don't know what that is, but it sounds vaguely threatening.  Also, her eye is freaking me the hell out.

And then even the ones that weren't trying to watch tv with me got scary.

I may have done a spit take.  Really huge boobs scare me.  When girls with giant breasts are jogging, I leave the sidewalk and hide behind a hedge, even if they're across the street from me.

"Listen," I said sternly to my computer, "Enough is enough.  Make sure I don't see these ads again.  I mean it."

My computer listened.  When I logged back onto Facebook, voila!

I think it's mocking me.