Sheep

The following takes place in my notebook between 3PM and 4PM.

All events take place in real time.

I'm in class, and we're watching a movie about Bighorn Sheep and how they're endangered.  Apparently they were "threatened by diseased sheep."  Now I'm picturing zombie sheep.

The main character is an oboe player turned biologist who has a serious neck beard and says there is no greater privilege than studying sheep.  I'm not sure that's true.  Also, I think it's safe to say he hasn't gotten laid in a while unless sheep were involved.

BACK TO SHEEP DISEASE.  Pneumonia.  What a plot twist.

The air guys from Fish and Wildlife said they were hoping to reintroduce sheep to their old haunts, but they couldn't have been more wrong, because their progress had been stopped by something they never could have imagined.  I got excited because I thought it might be a velociraptor with the powers of all the X-Men.

Unfortunately, I then realized that I had, in fact, imagined that, so that couldn't be it.  It had to be UNIMAGINABLE.  Turns out it was mountain lions.  I call cop out.

Now we're seeing lots of Bighorn Sheep merchandise.  We're at neckbeard's house with his wife, who is a world class cross country skier, and almost certainly has not always been a woman.  Maybe she's just a rugged mountain woman, but.....

Neckbeard has a closet full of decomposing sheep parts.  Reminds me of Cousin Leroy.  Maybe this movie will be more interesting than I thought!

And suddenly he's playing oboe in an orchestra while we look at pictures of sheep.  Classmates' overheard opinions: "This is weird."  "That guy's legit."

The lady just said mountain lions, when they go to the office, are going to be predators.  That might be a figure of speech, but it strengthens my resolve to never work in an office, just in case.

Then, for reasons completely beyond my understanding, there was a dramatic zooming in on a dead mountain lion wearing a santa hat.

Now they're going to hunt the mountain lions because they keep killing the Bighorn Sheep.  They're taking along two large crucifixes for reasons not entirely clear to me.  Maybe it's Satan who's causing the problems.

LION: I'm hungry.

SATAN: What for?

LION: Maybe a bunny.

SATAN: Nah bro, sheep.

LION: Ok!

SATAN: Bwaha!

Because Satan has nothing better to do.

"In autumn, temperatures fall and libido rises.  This is the only time rams and ewes come together."  That must be very frustrating for the ewes.

"If you watch these animals after they rut, they come out with almost no skin left on their faces."  I assume that's from the fighting and not the sex, because otherwise we are clearly discussing kinky bondage fetish sheep.

The ewes won't stand still to have sex.  Maybe that's why Bighorn Sheep are endangered (the whole point of this documentary.)  Maybe it's because all the females run away.  Poor evolutionary strategy.

Aww, a dog got hurt.  They put him in a bag on the side of a mule.  Heh.  Doggie bag.

I have been hit with a wave of apathy.  For all I care, Bighorn Sheep can roast in hellfire eternal.

End notes.  Prepared for exam.  Obviously, an A+ is in my future.